Excerpt from Be The Clown
When stopping for pancakes, Beatrix ordered a cheese omelet. She told Dottie she did not want any more sugar. No white flour, no bread, no sugar. Dottie ate fruit and nut filled multi-grain pancakes with sour cream and honey. Dottie poured white sugar into her coffee until Beatrix could smell the sweetness from across the table. She saw a flash of the clowns and the music from the jukebox in the diner reminded her of the calliope from the night before.
A man in a fishing jacket and hat walked through the diner approaching tables with children asking them what pet he could send home with them. Beatrix heard the children erupt with laughter as he told jokes and moved his hands over long balloons he pulled from the pockets of his vest making poodles and giraffes and penguins for the children.
Dottie noticed Beatrix staring at the man and she noticed a smile curl around her mouth when she told the punchline of the joke. Dottie asked, "Do you want a balloon animal?"
Beatrix looked at Dottie and her smile flattened. "No."
The man walked past their table and Beatrix saw his face was painted with thick greasy make-up. Beatrix looked to the bathroom calculating if she could walk through the diner without encountering the clown. She was not sure.
Dottie saw Beatrix's complexion pale and she grabbed her arm asking, "Are you okay?"
"I feel sick," Beatrix said.
The clown approached their table and said, "How about for you, young lassies?"
Beatrix stood and keeping her eyes on the clown at the table, she walked to the restroom bumping into a waitress balancing dishes on her arms and apologizing for anything broken.
Beatrix locked herself in the stall of the restroom and stood looking through the seams of the door so she could see the door to the restaurant. She shifted her eyes to look through the seam to the mirror determining no one was in the restroom with her.
As she was shifting her sight, the door creaked open and Beatrix steadied herself, pressing her hands against the interior walls of the stall. She kept her stare through the seam of the door.
Dottie walked in and pressed her face to the same seam Beatrix was peering through, giving her a start, but she still kept her rigid stance.
"Bea? You okay? Are you sick again? Why are you standing like that?" The questions were short and fired at Beatrix rapidly. "Why don't you come out and splash some cold water on your face? Do you want to cut brunch short and just get back on the road? Do you want me to ask the waitress if she can unlock the door? Are you stuck in there?"
Beatrix's face tensed up with each question. Her hand moved to the lock and twisted it to he left. She kept her eyes on Dottie and looked through her to the door that remained closed and still. Beatrix walked from the stall and leaned on the sink in the restroom. Dottie turned on the cold water and said, "Wash your face and you'll feel better."
Beatrix closed her eyes and splashed the water over her skin. She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes.
The door swung open and Beatrix jumped with a start.
A woman with a blonde beehive hairdo and eye shadow that sparkled with glitter under her eyebrows that were shaved off and penciled back on her face in large semi-circles walked in and said, "Drag! You got a line?"
Beatrix's face tensed up again, "We have what," she demanded?
Dottie understood and explained, "No ma'am, we're not waiting. You go ahead."
Dottie pushed paper towels from the dispenser and said, "Bea, what is wrong with you?"
Dottie ushered Beatrix from the restroom and back to the table. Beatrix looked around the diner to see the position of the clown continuing to twist balloons into animals for patrons. Beatrix looked at Dottie's plate and saw that she had only begun to eat her pancakes. Beatrix had not even taken a bite of her eggs. Beatrix knew if she asked to leave before they ate, there would be a fight in the car. And if there was not a fight, she thought, there would be a discussion and at the moment, Beatrix was not prepared to explain her fear.
Beatrix fished in her purse for a pill bottle and took a small blue one. Dottie frowned but did not comment. Beatrix darted her eyes around the diner. Dottie shook her head and allowed her girlfriend to suffer the anxiety alone until her medication relaxed her. When Beatrix's head was turned away from the table, Dottie pushed a glass of water closer to encourage drinking a decaffeinated beverage.
The waitress wore a short black skirt and stockings with chunky black Mary Jane shoes. She had a tee shirt reading the logo for the diner with a decal of a locomotive. She walked over to the table and pulled the sugar shaker to the edge of the table as she asked, "Is everything okay here?"
"What are you doing with the sugar," Beatrix asked panic-stricken by the gesture?
"I'm gonna freshen that up for you," the waitress explained. "More coffee," she asked as she slid the mugs closer to her.
Beatrix wrapped one hand around her mug and one around the sugar shaker. She looked at the waitress to scrutinize the details of her face. Beatrix saw nothing unusual. She said, "We don't need more sugar. Please just bring more coffee."
"You're sweet enough, ain't ya," the waitress asked facetiously?
Dottie feigned a chuckle and squeezed her fingers in between Beatrix's hand and the sugar shaker. She slid the shaker to the back of the table and reiterated, "This is plenty of sugar." Dottie nodded to Beatrix and Beatrix loosened the tension through her face. She leaned back in the booth.
"I'll bring fresh mugs," the waitress said and walked to the coffee station.
Dottie leaned in to Beatrix and asked, "Honestly Bea, what is this all about?"
"I'm feeling," Beatrix started and reached in her purse for a bottle of pills again.
"You just took something. Give me that!" Dottie held her hand across the table waving her fingers at Beatrix. "One day." Dottie sighed and then continued, "Do you think you can spend one day with me?"
Beatrix pushed the pill bottle back into her purse. She mumbled, "I spend every day with you."
"You spend your day with your pills!"
"You both want more coffee?" The waitress held a pot half full over the table.
Dottie nodded her head and moved both mugs to the edge for her to freshen the beverages. Dottie dismissed the waitress with a nod in gratitude and poured more sugar into her coffee.
A man in a fishing jacket and hat walked through the diner approaching tables with children asking them what pet he could send home with them. Beatrix heard the children erupt with laughter as he told jokes and moved his hands over long balloons he pulled from the pockets of his vest making poodles and giraffes and penguins for the children.
Dottie noticed Beatrix staring at the man and she noticed a smile curl around her mouth when she told the punchline of the joke. Dottie asked, "Do you want a balloon animal?"
Beatrix looked at Dottie and her smile flattened. "No."
The man walked past their table and Beatrix saw his face was painted with thick greasy make-up. Beatrix looked to the bathroom calculating if she could walk through the diner without encountering the clown. She was not sure.
Dottie saw Beatrix's complexion pale and she grabbed her arm asking, "Are you okay?"
"I feel sick," Beatrix said.
The clown approached their table and said, "How about for you, young lassies?"
Beatrix stood and keeping her eyes on the clown at the table, she walked to the restroom bumping into a waitress balancing dishes on her arms and apologizing for anything broken.
Beatrix locked herself in the stall of the restroom and stood looking through the seams of the door so she could see the door to the restaurant. She shifted her eyes to look through the seam to the mirror determining no one was in the restroom with her.
As she was shifting her sight, the door creaked open and Beatrix steadied herself, pressing her hands against the interior walls of the stall. She kept her stare through the seam of the door.
Dottie walked in and pressed her face to the same seam Beatrix was peering through, giving her a start, but she still kept her rigid stance.
"Bea? You okay? Are you sick again? Why are you standing like that?" The questions were short and fired at Beatrix rapidly. "Why don't you come out and splash some cold water on your face? Do you want to cut brunch short and just get back on the road? Do you want me to ask the waitress if she can unlock the door? Are you stuck in there?"
Beatrix's face tensed up with each question. Her hand moved to the lock and twisted it to he left. She kept her eyes on Dottie and looked through her to the door that remained closed and still. Beatrix walked from the stall and leaned on the sink in the restroom. Dottie turned on the cold water and said, "Wash your face and you'll feel better."
Beatrix closed her eyes and splashed the water over her skin. She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes.
The door swung open and Beatrix jumped with a start.
A woman with a blonde beehive hairdo and eye shadow that sparkled with glitter under her eyebrows that were shaved off and penciled back on her face in large semi-circles walked in and said, "Drag! You got a line?"
Beatrix's face tensed up again, "We have what," she demanded?
Dottie understood and explained, "No ma'am, we're not waiting. You go ahead."
Dottie pushed paper towels from the dispenser and said, "Bea, what is wrong with you?"
Dottie ushered Beatrix from the restroom and back to the table. Beatrix looked around the diner to see the position of the clown continuing to twist balloons into animals for patrons. Beatrix looked at Dottie's plate and saw that she had only begun to eat her pancakes. Beatrix had not even taken a bite of her eggs. Beatrix knew if she asked to leave before they ate, there would be a fight in the car. And if there was not a fight, she thought, there would be a discussion and at the moment, Beatrix was not prepared to explain her fear.
Beatrix fished in her purse for a pill bottle and took a small blue one. Dottie frowned but did not comment. Beatrix darted her eyes around the diner. Dottie shook her head and allowed her girlfriend to suffer the anxiety alone until her medication relaxed her. When Beatrix's head was turned away from the table, Dottie pushed a glass of water closer to encourage drinking a decaffeinated beverage.
The waitress wore a short black skirt and stockings with chunky black Mary Jane shoes. She had a tee shirt reading the logo for the diner with a decal of a locomotive. She walked over to the table and pulled the sugar shaker to the edge of the table as she asked, "Is everything okay here?"
"What are you doing with the sugar," Beatrix asked panic-stricken by the gesture?
"I'm gonna freshen that up for you," the waitress explained. "More coffee," she asked as she slid the mugs closer to her.
Beatrix wrapped one hand around her mug and one around the sugar shaker. She looked at the waitress to scrutinize the details of her face. Beatrix saw nothing unusual. She said, "We don't need more sugar. Please just bring more coffee."
"You're sweet enough, ain't ya," the waitress asked facetiously?
Dottie feigned a chuckle and squeezed her fingers in between Beatrix's hand and the sugar shaker. She slid the shaker to the back of the table and reiterated, "This is plenty of sugar." Dottie nodded to Beatrix and Beatrix loosened the tension through her face. She leaned back in the booth.
"I'll bring fresh mugs," the waitress said and walked to the coffee station.
Dottie leaned in to Beatrix and asked, "Honestly Bea, what is this all about?"
"I'm feeling," Beatrix started and reached in her purse for a bottle of pills again.
"You just took something. Give me that!" Dottie held her hand across the table waving her fingers at Beatrix. "One day." Dottie sighed and then continued, "Do you think you can spend one day with me?"
Beatrix pushed the pill bottle back into her purse. She mumbled, "I spend every day with you."
"You spend your day with your pills!"
"You both want more coffee?" The waitress held a pot half full over the table.
Dottie nodded her head and moved both mugs to the edge for her to freshen the beverages. Dottie dismissed the waitress with a nod in gratitude and poured more sugar into her coffee.