And if I haven't said it here, the only thing I ever prepared for my whole life was to count numbers. Even the quirks of my mental illness have me counting steps to and from the train when I walk down the sidewalk.
To be specific, I went from having no jobs to five jobs in a few days and have struggled to juggle the needed tasks to keep moving forward with all of them. One of the jobs involves numbers and the other four require the creativity of stringing together words coherently.
Now, perhaps it is because I am mindful of the numbers being in the middle of the contract gig to audit fixed assets, or perhaps it is because I'm getting paid by the word in a freelance writing assignment, and maybe even it is with the impending NaNoWriMo challenge where I have committed to speed write over the course of a month to reach a specific word count... At any rate, I've been using my word counter to measure my very meager progress with all the assignments. There are days when I write 10,000 words and some that I write 1,000. The audit job, I can calculate the lines that I've done and how many more I have to do. Constantly I'm recalculating and reevaluating so that I can stay on target with deadlines. My focus has become the quantities, when in the past I've been so concerned about quality that I beat myself up for not getting things done faster. And that is not to say that the quality does not remain present when there is a calculation at the end of a workday, whether it is something personal, financial, professional or even something as mundane as cleaning the house. One can give it their all and produce quality, but I've come to discover that seeing the progression has become a useful tool in eliminating the doubt and all those feelings of inadequacy.
To give a practical example, for one project, I have 3 full chapters plus 2 scenes and 9659 words to complete for the goal. I can divide the number of remaining words by 3.5 to get a result of 2760. And anyone can understanding that 2760 is less daunting than 9659.
So, I'm getting to work 7 hours after I intended with 2 cups of coffee in me and know I will finish this, if no other project, because the smaller of the two numbers is feasible and I will recalculate my progress as I work.
To the point, It occurs to me at this late stage of my life that instead of chastising myself for all the stuff I have yet to do, I need to reward myself [with kind inner words] for all of the stuff that I've been brave enough and smart enough and quick enough to get done.