Writing in a Row House
​
  • Writing in a Row House
  • Heating a Home on a Hot Plate
  • About
  • Contact
  • Read Some Fiction
  • Book Reviews
  • Bio
  • Get Updated!
  • Professional Services



Philadelphia Row is a term used, not only in Philadelphia neighborhoods, but elsewhere to refer to orderly rows of regularized housing.  
But there is nothing orderly or regular about any of the goings on in a Philadelphia Row.


READ SOME FICTION

Rejection

5/27/2019

0 Comments

 
I got another fucking rejection today.  It comes with the territory of being doesn't it?  I am alive, and there are some who will approve of me and others who will reject me. 

Putting my words out there though - the stories - Having my words rejected hurts.  It fucking hurts.  This wasn't even something that was written.  This was a verbal story.  I was critiqued.  I expected to be critiqued.  I was told I had erroneous information.  I was told that it was okay to admit that i didn't know something.  But i do know stuff.   i fucking know stuff.  So, i didn't get that job.  Big deal.  I don't get lots of jobs.  

I don't know why this is hitting me so hard.  I've been on a six month plus run of rejections.  People who have been in my life, people who are knew to my life.  And this job search is killing me - emotionally, financially, physically, and probably most importantly, intellectually.  

To sum up my job interviews this week past, I had one at a casino for customer service, I wasn't the right fit.  I had one at manufacturer where they claim I need a different skill set for an accounting position.  I have worked accounting for 20+ years.  I went to the supermarket to apply as a cashier.  I was told I wouldn't fit in.  And then the tour guide position that seemed promising but I was given an email bullet-pointing too many wrongs to right.  This is in addition to sitting on my computer and sending out resume after resume with responses indicating that i don't meet qualifications for one reason or another.   I sent out prospects for writing jobs - something I used to count on when I needed to busy my mind and earn some cash.  No responses.  I can't tell if the silence is better than the definitive rejections.  

i don't know why there is a perception that i hold my shit together.  i don't.  there are few in my life who know that i most certainly do not have a handle on anything.  I am useless and I am nothing to everyone i know.   

As a writer, I'm telling myself, 'rejection is motivation'.  But i'm tired.  I'm tired of not fitting in to the constraints of want in society.  i'm tired of being not wanted - for all of the reasons.  And to clarify, it's not a tired that makes me angry and change...  it's exhaustion.  i don't know what i am doing wrong to fix it. 

I can't take care of the things I need to care for.  I can't find purpose in anything that i am doing on a daily basis.  There is really nothing that I have experienced that has prepared me for this onslaught of rejection, and i'm not strong enough to weather the storm. 


0 Comments
    Picture
    When Sevy realizes the pharmaceuticals keeping their bodies young are weened from those deemed to have exhausted their usefulness, he believes he must delve into the purpose of this synthesized society believing it is not much different than the life he lived on earth. 

    Patreon Page
    Picture
    Picture

    Esther Elizabeth Buck 

    i'm halfway through my life with the stifled stories stirring.  i should have done it earlier, but i am on the
     write path finally.

    Archives

    June 2021
    April 2021
    May 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    June 2018
    April 2018
    September 2017
    July 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    January 2016
    October 2015
    August 2015
    June 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.