So, I moved into this house that needs a ton of work and although I've cleaned and painted, stuff like hot water heater installation and replacing every bit of electric is taking longer than expected and honestly, it's taking its toll on everyone with whom I live. (yes, we have electric and water. I even have a hot water heater- it just remains in the box because the electricians keep looking at the old wiring covered with fabric insulation and then sigh heavily and wish me luck with the things I am doing.
The ceiling fan has been -- well -- in the kitchen there was a vintage lantern hanging from a copper pipe in the middle of the ceiling. There is some question if there was a gas line for a true lantern from a hundred fifty years ago , or if someone put the pipe in the ceiling to support the weight of the glass and brass electric lantern - but that is no matter. My daughter who works with electric said, "oh sure i can put that fan in for you... and it will cost you that vintage lantern that is hanging there now." Even better! the old light gets a new home! UNTIL, up in the ceiling, we discover the wires are the old fabric wires and we're not even sure the joists can support the weight of the new fan. So, I've been in limbo and she got busy, and an electrician came in and cut the old lines out. I bought the new wire and switches and finally last week (perhaps two weeks ago?) I hung the support and the lamp (sans fan wings) to assure the ceiling can support the weight before I attach the wiring. And yes, most folks cover the ceiling first, but i am leaving the stuff that's open, open until I'm certain all that old wiring is gone gone gone before closing everything up.
A neighbor in the burg said, "Don't ever try to live in the house you're fixing." And now I know why!
So, this ceiling fan is sitting in limbo. The new wiring is connected to the switch and just needs to be attached to the fan at this point. Oh yeah and wired to the circuit box. Like I said, it's in limbo. And that progression of static is how the whole house project has been. The floors are stripped down and need the next step. The carpet is almost all out and the basement is getting cleaned up and organized a little every week.
Then we had a bacterial infection scare and someone close is in the hospital. I'm only the visitor, and I'm not going to say I would rather not interrupt my days with hospital visits, but seriously, who wants to visit a hospital? It's a terrible inconvenience and I'm not even the one on an antibiotic drip.
I've been out of regular nine to five work for four months now. In my brain it's been much longer than that! I've migrated away from the professional world I've known and have been doing my best to write daily. I found a great marketplace for writers hawking their skills for freelance positions and although I had posted as a facebook status update that I could not list ghost as special skill yet, I have since been awarded quite a few writing assignments/jobs one of which is a true ghost gig. I'm plugging along and keeping the nickels in my pocket heavy enough to provide the essentials for my family. I've even been asked to do a temporary gig with a nine to five office using the skill set I had honed for twenty years aside from the writing. My point is, I've been working hard - or maybe working frequently is a better way to phrase it.
And thank goodness the times I have to sit and get down on myself because the nickels aren't enough are sparse! I have been a pile of goo emotionally and then pick myself up to do one more thing.
Now, the whole time I'm working on the house, I have taken my grandmother's ring from my finger for two reasons. 1-I don't want the ring to get broken or scratched. 2-I don't want the ring to get caught someplace I should not have put my hand and cause me to lose a finger. (i like all my digits where they are.) But for the past week (perhaps two?) I've worn the ring every day, moving it from finger to finger as my hand feels weird keeping it on the same finger. My favorite is my left thumb.
My left thumb has been cut, bitten, broken... it's a mess! And I saw her ring on my thumb yesterday while I was trekking to the office gig, concerned that I wouldn't complete the ghost gig on time and wondering how to approach a writing gig. At the same time, I was entertaining the idea of doing a monster editing job that I was asked about the day before. And while reflecting on the ring and exhausted from running to and fro with very few nickels in my pocket, I thought of the photo I saw each morning before I left the house in which I grew up. And I thought, she made it through the depression for crying out pete's sake! I can make it through a couple of weeks of overwhelming busy to care for my family.
But then the distraction creeps in. And the distraction I have now is trying to fit everything in. It's like a GPS when you make a wrong turn, or you get a call to stop one more place before you get to where you're going, the little machine needs to recalculate so you work effectively to reach your goal. I feel like my brain constantly is recalculating to fit in the distractions, never mind my personal procrastination or the tangents into which I find myself wandering.
Why take on more? Well, I think to myself, I spend a bulk of time doing the one thing, I can do a little thing here and there to get it done. But that doesn't allow for the curve balls that are thrown. And whether the curve ball is that the dryer at my mom's stops working when I'm leaning on her to do laundry while my washer dryer are sitting in a state of inactivity or an opportunity to complete a job that needs to be done in a week for reasons bigger than the money I earn, it's hard to stay on track and focus on the objective.
Even this blog entry has been a big diversion from starting the writing I committed to this weekend and I keep looking at my grandmother's ring and imagining her growling at me to just get started on the work instead of swimming in this nonsense of distraction. And I want to cry out, "I'll get it all done!" I always do.