i was mad - crazy and infuriated - when the *insert yosemite sam-esque expletive here* said the words, '-so we have to terminate you.' and i exhaled, already having expressed that he was lying, then said, "have a good day," and walked out. Now, i had this brilliant idea to throw a dildo/vibrator on the termination table to exclaim, 'go fuck yourself!'; but alas, i was unprepared. Am i disappointed? Not really. As he took a breath to say other words, i walked out of his office, gathered my plants and left the building. That was enough a display of strength without the vulgar insult.
Today i am free. I woke without pain in my belly and head. (Literal pain.) I'm concerned that my medical needs will not be met, but i am certain i will work that out in the coming days. Today though, i am not in pain. I'm not walking around wondering why i cannot get the job of a monkey done, forgetting that i didn't have experience throwing shit on others.
Today i am free. I'm breathing and exploring what could be next. I have resumes out already, because i don't think i know how not to work. I applied for unemployment compensation, which was a whole thing - so i'm proud i got through it. But i feel like i can write again. In less than 24 hours, my brain is back and i feel as though words are coming out from hiding.
Is it lucrative? ha! Will my bills get paid? I always figure a way.
I feel like i just recovered from rock bottom and can finally rebuild my life through words. I cried in the past three years because i had no time to put thoughts swirling in my head onto paper. I cried because i was being intellectually abused by my workplace, that honestly, i was so excited to go to three years ago. Reason had no place in the office. And now...
So, why am i sharing this? Well, i'm going to take a couple days and clean up this site that has been neglected too long. And then, i promise i'm going to write. I'm going to write every day! I had been given the tremendous experience of living what i don't want to be for years. And now, there is nothing left but for me to release the person i think is hiding in my brain.