In detail, I have signed up for November writing challenge and wanted truly to complete revision seven of a past project to have a fresh start. However, I keep adding to the past and although that's fine with me, its terribly disappointing when I pour into words that seem important -cautiously editing as i write so eight doesn't have to be a thing - and then look to the screen to find a thousand words gone.
Control + Z. Control + Z. Control + Z! Control + Z!!!! Fucking whore-face son of a bitch! Where are my words???
Again I'm starting someplace in the middle at a loss. I SAID, I'M STARTING SOMEPLACE IN THE MIDDLE AT A LOSS.
I've been a broken record recently with disappointment that I'm in a position to start over. I have to start over once again. Tears stream down my face and I cry silently to no one because they are sick of hearing me. I cry out in loud screams and violent text messages my anger and frustration. No one responds because they are out of words with which to respond.
But this morning, in this bit of rage, experienced in transit to whatever is next in the day, it occurs to me that I'm not starting at the beginning... I'm quite literally in the middle, even though there has been some loss.